In my dreams I'm beautiful. [flicks open two switchblades] And bad!

Valentine's Day was a little anticlimactic this year; more so than usual considering I don't really "celebrate". I had grandiose plans of making cake, but it didn't happen. Patrick got sick, so instead of baking I went to the store and got bread, Sprite and this.

Sigh. Poor Patrick.

On the up side, I made myself a delicious bowl of Ramen Noodles complete with tofu, onions and tomatoes and finally watched Inception.

I think I may be the last person on the planet to watch Inception. I was so excited, super ready for 2 1/2 hours of mind-blowing amazement.

Hm.

Perhaps if I hadn't heard anything about it I would have enjoyed it more. I actually did enjoy it, but it tried really hard to be ACTION PACKED and EXTREME while at the same time really deep and wrought with emotion. In reality it reminded me of a cross between A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, and that Robin Williams movie, What Dreams May Come.

Given the choice I will pick Freddy Krueger EVERY TIME, but Inception wasn't bad. And my fancy Ramen was really good, so I can't complain. I am officially rescheduling Valentine's Day to Thursday. That is, I will be making a cake on Thursday and purchasing some discounted Valentine's to hand out next year. 

Books, check 'em out.

My roommate and her friend recently started this fantastic blog.

Young Adult fiction is, freakishly, my favorite genre. It's right up there with books about eating disorders and Jodi Picoult. My brother the librarian loves me--especially when I ask him to pick up my library holds.

After reading through all the entries and quietly crying at my desk because there were no new posts, I decided to reflect on all of my favorite Young Adult reads.

And so it goes:

1. Stepping on the Cracks - Mary Downing Hahn

I distinctly remember not being able to put this book down when I was eleven; World War II and Judaism also ranking high on the list of topics I enjoy reading about. The story follows two friends in a small southern town as they deal with brothers who are at war, and the school bully who has a HUGE SECRET! Duhn, duhn, duuuuuuuhn!

2. Wait Till Helen Comes - Mary Downing Hahn

Thank you Ms. Hahn for being awesome. In the one hand we have World War II, and in the other we've got ghost children. Sign me up! This book was another page-turner and probably still is. The story is about a family who moves to a giant farm house that used to be an old convent. There is a spoooooky cemetery nearby where the narrator's bratty, annoying, younger step-sibling is mysteriously drawn. So, the step-sister is, like, 5 years old but the picture on the jacket makes her look way older. And I also remember kind of wanting that sweatshirt.

3. Help, Pink Pig! - C.S. Adler

I love tiny things! Tiny furniture, Legos, Christmas ornaments...I could go on and on. This book is about a tiny, quartz pig who is MAGICAL. Yes, a tiny, magical pig made out of quartz. Amanda, the girl who owns him, can be transported into his enchanted kingdom full of knights and other magical things whenever she feels lonely. The enchanted world of Pink Pig mirrors Amanda's world, and some of her other miniatures are there too! I am pretty sure there is a tiny pony. Somehow it all ties together, but all I really remember and care about are the tiny magical miniatures.

4. Time Windows - Kathryn Reiss & The Dollhouse Murders - Betty Ren Wright

I am lumping these two together because a) the pictures are of a crappy quality and can't really stand alone and b) they are similar in the fact that they are both about creepy, haunted doll-houses! When I told you I loved tiny things, I wasn't lying. Apparently, I also love ghost children. I won't go into too much detail on these gems, but rest assured they are terrifying. Time Windows gave me the heebie jeebies when I re-read it years later, too.

Honestly, I could do this all day, but I am discovering that the majority of the books I loved as a young adult are all pretty similar. Betty Ren Wright also wrote another book that I loved called, Christina's Ghost. Yes, it involves ghost children, and no, there is no doll-house. And now I am off to place holds on every single one of these!

Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend? A: “Be my valenstein!”

Valentine's Day is bizarre. The only time I have ever truly enjoyed celebrating it was in elementary school; and even then it was because my mom would buy me a little box of chocolates and decorate my bedroom with construction paper hearts (yeah, she's pretty great like that).

One year I got an Orchid for Valentine's Day from the Safeway near my house (and my boyfriend's house---COINCIDENTALLY!). It was an awesome gift and I managed to keep it alive for awhile. And then I over watered it and now it sits, potted and dead on Patrick's windowsill. It's a reminder of how we feel about Valentine's Day.

This year I am going to bake a cake and decorate it like a giant conversation heart. I need suggestions for the "conversation" part, however. There are The Classics: Be Mine, Kiss Me, etc. And then there are some new and improved Millennium Conversations: In The Mood, E-Mail Me and Romeo (lame!). The Beauty of making a Conversation Heart Cake is that I can tailor it to my own Valentine's Day whims and desires.

Cupid's Creepy

Drink My Sperm

Remember the Massacre

Those are my top three as of right now, and don't worry, I will post the end result.

Like, totally tubular and AWESOME pizza skillz, dude!

I know that tension has been high. Everyone is wondering whether or not I pulled myself together and gave National Vegan Pizza Day the celebration it deserves. Rest your weary minds, I did. Not only did I celebrate National Vegan Pizza DAY, but I created National Vegan Pizza Weekend.

So mote it be!

Saturday night I was fit to be tied. And hip to be square. I had dough and some random things in my kitchen and only my mouth to feed. I decided to throw caution to the wind and create a pizza that had the potential to be awful, but that no one would ever have to taste if deemed poisonous.

The dough was homemade because I am that crazy person who has packet upon packet of Active Dry Yeast...so many jokes on the threshold...but beyond a mountain of crust (I doubled the recipe because in a past life I am pretty certain I lived during the Great Depression and as I result every time I cook I make enough food to feed Russia) I was at a loss. And then it dawned on me--in a crazy backward way; I made ravioli last week-ish! The ravioli had been filled with a delightful mixture of butternut squash, spinach, and smoked apple sage Field Roast Sausage. It was so super fantastic as ravioli filling, why wouldn't it be delicious on pizza?!?! Yeah, I know. For "sauce" I decided to take the easy route; I combined olive oil, garlic, crushed red pepper flakes, thyme and balsamic vinegar.



After this bad boy came out of the oven, I drizzled some balsamic vinegar atop and dug in. I almost died of pure pleasure. I cannot think of any adjectives to describe how stupendous this pizza was. Happy National Vegan Pizza Day to me (and Netflix---because my Saturday nights aren't lame EVER).

That pizza was so phenomenal that it immediately led to National Vegan Pizza Weekend. On Sunday I made two more gluttonous pizzas, but this time Patrick helped me eat them.

Behold Stuffed Crust Sausage (with peppers, black olives onion and mushroom and a traditional red sauce) and Taco (with Soyrizo, onions, tomatoes, black olives and a red sauce combo consisting of 1 part marinara and 2 parts salsa) PIZZA!!



The crust of the stuffed crust oozed with mozzarella Daiya; way better than the string cheese that Pizza Hut used to use.



I HATE THAT THERE ARE NO LEFTOVERS AS I TYPE THIS! (And yes, I realize it is Monday and I made these pizzas less than 24 hours ago.)

The Taco Pizza was topped with a mixture of mozzarella AND cheddar daiya!



And then, to make it more taco-y and similar to the taco pizza that the Godfathers of my youth offered, I topped it with lettuce, onion, tomato and black olives.



I am salivating.

National Vegan Pizza Day/Weekend may very well become National Vegan Pizza Month. The dam has broken (please, continue to hold your Active Dry Yeast comments). My mind overfloweth with the possibilities!

Yes, Vegan Pizza Month here we come. It's not quite National, but give it some time to catch on.

Mosquito Pizza, anyone?

Well, the time has come. Tomorrow is Vegan Pizza Day!

Yeah, I didn't know about it either, but that doesn't make me any less excited!! So excited in fact, that I immediately reached for my spiral bound notebook to jot down a grocery list. I will be making pizza all day tomorrow. All day. And I will be eating pizza all weekend. Why? Ahem:

Yum!

So, I reached for my notebook, opened to a random page and SCREAMED. Not from the sheer excitement and anticipation of the massive amounts of pizza I was going to consume in the near future, but because of the CARCASS on the page of my notebook.

It sat there, squished, like a delicate flower pressed and forever preserved. Not just a mosquito, but a Mosquito Hawk (aka Crane Fly). The quarter is a size reference.

Ew. It's still there and will remain there forever because it is permanently embedded into the page.

How am I supposed to make pizza now?!

A Guaranteed Healthy Immune System/My Tribute to Jack LaLanne

As a vegan I am sometimes asked the questions, "How do you get enough protein?" and "Don't you find yourself getting sick all of the time?"

I hold my rotund Santaesque belly and chuckle in response. Protein? That is why fake meat was invented! Not to mention the giant bowl of peanuts that sit on my coffee table. My roommate's parent's often have the same protein concern for their son and thus have been shipping a 10 lb box of shelled peanuts across country twice yearly.

Now, as far as getting sick? I have developed a sure-fire method to strengthen my immune system and resist most (if not all) forms of bacteria and infection. There are two steps involved; the first step being a healthy dose of alcohol on an almost daily basis. The final step: don't be afraid to eat things that you find on the street.

When Patrick and I were young and in love we took a stroll to the nearby Goodwill. It was probably a 2.5 mile stroll and as we neared our destination I was growing faint with hunger. Suddenly, Patrick spotted a collection of hard candy piled on the sidewalk. It was still wrapped and, as mentioned, was hard candy---none of this "injecting poison into a mini candy bar" stuff. For obvious health reasons (I was not about to die on the street outside of Goodwill) we ate the candy. And it was delicious. And I have never regretted it.

This morning Patrick and I found ourselves walking yet again (because I am the picture of health---as all vegans are). We turned the corner and happened upon a lost and forlorn seeming bagged lunch. Poor kid, but lucky us! Patrick took the orange and I took the celery and carrots (wrapped in saran wrap, but sort of squished). I ate my street veggies at lunch today and after I got over the guilt of the hungry 10 year old (whatever, like he was really going to eat the street veggies) I felt significantly healthier. And now that I am enjoying a glass of wine I am, dare I say, in peak condition.

So, whether it be street candy, a street orange or street veggies, eat up! It will only make you healthier in the end.

The Karaoke Dilemma & I COOKED!

I slept in until close to 11 AM on Saturday morning. It felt like sleeping in until dusk. The night before had been a whirlwind of rockabilly and Miller High Life that ended, begrudgingly, at 3 AM. Why, you ask? Let me explain.

Have you ever been to a karaoke bar? I love to sing. I was even in a band. Yet, karaoke eludes me. I go to these bars, and sometimes I even sing, but people in Seattle are a little cutthroat and I can't shake the feeling that I'm choosing the "wrong" song when I hand in my slip of Disney music or the Grease soundtrack instead of Madonna or Queen. And of course waiting for hours while other people butcher songs that you loved at one point in your life can be somewhat maddening. However, I discovered a solution to this Karaoke Dilemma. You Tube.

Thanks to the internet people rarely have to get up to do ANYTHING, provided that their Big Gulp is resting only a mere foot or so from the computer. And now, thanks to the internet, I can karaoke in the comfort of my own home! Pick a song, any song....

just let me know when you're ready....

okay....

HERE WE GO: (excellent choice by the way)


PLUS


And it is a wonder we went to bed at all.

Saturday was spent almost as productively. Pretzel Rolls!

I modified the recipe slightly by stuffing them with Chedder Daiya (the vegan cheese of the Gods) and Hickory Smoked Tofurky Turkey (a delicious option as far as meat analogues go).

The result was so delightful that I made another batch on Sunday and just ate one while typing this.



Now, imagine biting into that and getting a mouthful of melted cheese and, um, hot meat... Yes, go bake some! Granted, it's not the best picture, but if it were any better you would lick the screen.