Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend? A: “Be my valenstein!”

Valentine's Day is bizarre. The only time I have ever truly enjoyed celebrating it was in elementary school; and even then it was because my mom would buy me a little box of chocolates and decorate my bedroom with construction paper hearts (yeah, she's pretty great like that).

One year I got an Orchid for Valentine's Day from the Safeway near my house (and my boyfriend's house---COINCIDENTALLY!). It was an awesome gift and I managed to keep it alive for awhile. And then I over watered it and now it sits, potted and dead on Patrick's windowsill. It's a reminder of how we feel about Valentine's Day.

This year I am going to bake a cake and decorate it like a giant conversation heart. I need suggestions for the "conversation" part, however. There are The Classics: Be Mine, Kiss Me, etc. And then there are some new and improved Millennium Conversations: In The Mood, E-Mail Me and Romeo (lame!). The Beauty of making a Conversation Heart Cake is that I can tailor it to my own Valentine's Day whims and desires.

Cupid's Creepy

Drink My Sperm

Remember the Massacre

Those are my top three as of right now, and don't worry, I will post the end result.